1. My days are literally endless encounters of things that remind me of you.
2. I lie in my bed and long for you.
3. I fall asleep and dream of you.
4. I wake up in the morning and my first thought is you.

Repeat steps 1-4

sadmusicforsadbastards:

"I hate my mind and I’m stuck here in it 
And I don’t know what I’ll do but I’ll probably quit 
'Cause everything that I love, I turn into shit 
And that makes me sad and I’m not really mad 
I just don’t understand why I am who I am 
And why I don’t do everything that I can 
To make myself better and be a good friend 

Stuck here in nothing, that’s my own fault and preference 
Being alone is nice and depressing 
But really, I’m sad ‘cause I know I’m the best of the worst 
Knowing what I am makes me sad and just really hurts
But really, I’m sad ‘cause I know I’m the best of the worst
Knowing what I am makes me sad and just really hurts”

You completely captivate me. I couldn’t help but admire you and smile in this moment. I know that it all fell apart afterwards and never really recovered. I wish that you could see differently of me. I’ve never felt so full of regret over something. It’s taken me a long time to finally get here and see that I had something that made me incredibly happy. That I had my soulmate. Opposites attract and things are difficult but you are still perfect to me. I’ve done a lot of fucking up over the years that I always pushed to blame on you or something else when in reality it was me all along. You honestly never know what you have until you feel like you are holding onto the last of it for dear life. I have reflected so much of the past few days and years and I ultimately feel sorry for myself. It’s easy to pick out the other persons flaws, but you never truly acknowledge your own. I wish you could see how I see you now. How I feel about you still and how it’s evolved into what I believe something stronger. I want to plan with you, make a future with you, and prove everyone wrong because I’m so damn tired of proving them right. I know it’s my own fault and I know I may never be granted with a chance to show you again. We feel so much love underneath of what everyone else sees. No one will ever understand it. I didn’t understand it for so long, but I do know now. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to prove you wrong and show you that it’s still there. It’s been beaten up, pushed to the side and endured so much pain but our future is still there. The love is so much more prevalent and you’re the man that enamors all of my thoughts. I know that I’m not perfect and you probably don’t see this anymore but I wouldn’t want to share the hardest or best times with anyone else in my life. You were and still are such a good man to me. I’m sorry I never showed you enough.

You completely captivate me. I couldn’t help but admire you and smile in this moment. I know that it all fell apart afterwards and never really recovered. I wish that you could see differently of me. I’ve never felt so full of regret over something. It’s taken me a long time to finally get here and see that I had something that made me incredibly happy. That I had my soulmate. Opposites attract and things are difficult but you are still perfect to me. I’ve done a lot of fucking up over the years that I always pushed to blame on you or something else when in reality it was me all along. You honestly never know what you have until you feel like you are holding onto the last of it for dear life. I have reflected so much of the past few days and years and I ultimately feel sorry for myself. It’s easy to pick out the other persons flaws, but you never truly acknowledge your own. I wish you could see how I see you now. How I feel about you still and how it’s evolved into what I believe something stronger. I want to plan with you, make a future with you, and prove everyone wrong because I’m so damn tired of proving them right. I know it’s my own fault and I know I may never be granted with a chance to show you again. We feel so much love underneath of what everyone else sees. No one will ever understand it. I didn’t understand it for so long, but I do know now. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to prove you wrong and show you that it’s still there. It’s been beaten up, pushed to the side and endured so much pain but our future is still there. The love is so much more prevalent and you’re the man that enamors all of my thoughts. I know that I’m not perfect and you probably don’t see this anymore but I wouldn’t want to share the hardest or best times with anyone else in my life. You were and still are such a good man to me. I’m sorry I never showed you enough.

2:11am

dissapearing into nothing would be okay with me
my heart feels so heavy
this place feels so empty
sometimes I forget and look around for you
but then I remember
it’s just a ghost in memory now
memories are painful
my head is full
I want to forget
full of regret
I will never be able to sleep
Things always turn into complete shit
I just wanted this to work
I didn’t want it to be the last time
I didn’t want things to end like this
I don’t exist

It’s easy to lose yourself because of someone. It’s easy to forget everything you learned and disciplined yourself to become because of some feeling that makes a home in your chest. You do a lot of stupid things for that feeling. You also laugh a lot, worry a fucking lot, cry a lot, think a lot and love a lot about life because of someone’s made a home inside of you. You lose track of yourself so easily. They can destroy your house and it’s often overlooked because you just can’t take your eyes off of this feeling. It is not worth it. Do not ever let someone destroy you for love.

It’s so fucking twisted, you know. This whole “love” thing. Like really? You fall in love and you literally fall. You crash to the ground and I swear to god all your bones break. You’re fucking shattered but you don’t notice because you’ve got this beautiful girl whispering in your ear and kissing your neck and nothing else matters. But then she leaves and suddenly you feel it. You feel everything. And you’re hysterically crying in your car at 4 in the morning in some empty parking lot because it’s the only place that doesn’t taste like her and you’re trying to hold your bones together but her old anything won’t work as a cast, wrapping them around your chest won’t fix the craters in your ribs. Nothing stops the aching.

I have no idea why I hate attachment. Do not get attached to me.

but why?

NEVER again. Go fuck yourself you selfish motherfucker